He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
