Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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