There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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