And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
