its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
