Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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