My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
