just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
