yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize