Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to align my fucking chakras
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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