Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
