Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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