The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
