It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
