Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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