with your own penis?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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