Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
