The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
