I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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