you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
