I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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