CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
