I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
