You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
