I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
