you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you win again, gameday.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
