trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
