Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's Friday. Sex?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
