DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
