So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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