I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
