I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
