3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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