had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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