Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
