hell yes lets make some ravioli
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
