I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
