They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
