Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
