They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
