i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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