I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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