Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
