i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
