I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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