Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
