It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
