Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
