I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My ass is underappreciated
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize