HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
