It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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