It's like God shit irony all over that family
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
