Yo dont text me then not text me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
