the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
