True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
