If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
