and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
