she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
