The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize