I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
