then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
