We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
