actually, I'm a sock model
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
