Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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