i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
